Head’s Notebook: Let Your Life Speak

Last year’s school theme, Finding Your Voice, focused on helping students learn how to express their true selves by coming to know who they are and what they believe through reflection, inquiry, and discussion; by listening to others with open-mindedness and curiosity; by developing thoughtful, informed opinions; and ultimately, by gaining the confidence to share their ideas and beliefs with both conviction and humility. Last year, we also emphasized that finding—and using—your literal voice is not enough, and that we need to demonstrate what we believe not only with our words, but through our actions.

 

This year’s theme, Let Your Life Speak, extends this idea by focusing on the importance of living our beliefs. We know that words are not enough—and actions do indeed speak louder than words. Our words are hollow if our actions don’t reflect them. This can take the form of hypocrisy, when we do the opposite of what we say we believe. A more insidious version is situational inconsistency, when we rationalize behaving in a way we know is wrong, or behave differently at different times, depending on who we are with or how we want to be perceived.

In essence, letting your life speak is committing to a lifelong, continuous quest for integrity. We often think of integrity as being synonymous with honesty, but they are not the same thing. While it’s hard to imagine having integrity without being honest, the word integrity comes from the same root as integer, and both convey a sense of wholeness. A person of integrity is not fragmented; they are the same person—and consistently act in ways that reflect what they believe—regardless of the situation. Our words are worse than meaningless if we don’t back them up, and letting your life speak is about striving to align your values with the way you actually live.

 

Walking the walk can’t happen only on occasion, however. Aristotle told us, “We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” That is what we mean when we talk about excellence at Fay: consistently striving to be our best selves. Excellence is very different from perfection. In fact, excellence depends upon a genuine willingness to make mistakes and learn from them in order to continue to change and grow.

 

Instilling this mindset begins in the earliest years, as we teach our children to embrace challenges, do their best, reflect on what they have learned, and consider how they might be able to do a bit better next time. When this approach extends to every aspect of students’ lives at school—especially in the context of an intentional community like Fay with shared values, high expectations, and a supportive environment—children develop a strong moral compass. They gain the confidence to be their authentic selves and the courage to live in a way that demonstrates their values.

 

As educators and parents, we play an essential role in this process. Our children listen carefully to what we say and the way we say it, and they are always watching to see if our actions are consistent with our words. Each of us is a role model, and one of our most important responsibilities is to act in a manner that is worthy of their emulation. Having integrity means we are willing to make personal sacrifices in order to fulfill our commitments; we make hard choices and endure discomfort in service of things that are larger than ourselves; and we have the strength of character to set aside our narrow self-interest if it conflicts with what we know is right.

 

When it comes to our children, all of our actions matter—even (and perhaps especially) the small ones. It’s not enough to tell them how much they mean to us; we need to be a steady, reliable presence in their lives. As the father of three grown children, I can tell you that this does not end when they become adults. In the words of Calvin Trillin, “It’s not the thought that counts. Acting on the thought is what counts.” Our children need to know that they can rely on us to mean what we say and, even more important, to live in a way that speaks for itself.